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Mr. Glorious Sunbath
Jan 07, 2004

I think this is the beginning of a beautiful LMBO.

I would bring 20 High school football players to my banquet then we'd go to your banquet and give you all swirlies.

Horkules
Aug 07, 2004

Victory will be mine when all Broccoli has perished!


Ok gravija if all of those people got into a fight at your banquet who would win?

Fyadimir Noobokov
Mar 26, 2005


Hmm any person dead or alive in the history of this world, real or fictional...


Two Inuyashas is all I need. One for each hole.

tunnel for cars
Oct 19, 2004

actually - I'M THE dot retard. wait, is that quiiick plaaaaaagggggerizzzm?

I'll bite:

1. Mike Seaver from Growing Pains. Dude's funny.
2. Frankenstein. I bet he's got some sweet-ass insight into the human condition.
3. Toejam from Toejam 'n' Earl. As above.
4. A ninja from Japan but a real ninja not a fake one. Duh.
5. Karl Rove. I would be rude to him, repeatedly.
6. Master Chief. I'd want him there just so I could say, "Thanks, dude. Thanks."
7. Mr. T. An obvious choice.
8. Greela, my female archer from D&D when I was 12. I would fuck the everloving shit out of her.
9. Wayne Gretzky. He would slapshot Nanaimo bars into my mouth.
10. Jimi Hendrix. The licks, man, the licks.
11. Bob Barker. What are his thoughts on global warming, for example?
12. Marlon Brando. I just want to watch him eat.
13. Rudy Huxtable.
14. Theo Huxtable.
15. Elvin Tibideaux.
16. Whoever drives Gravedigger.
17. The Iron Sheikh. I would be rude to him, as well.
18. I don't know. Fucking... Robin Hood. Whatever.
19. Lo Pan from "Big Trouble in Little China".
20. Jessica Alba. My one shot.

maxnmona
Mar 16, 2005
I'M PROBABLY A LEFTY LIBERAL ARTY HIPSTER FAGGY FAG

I'd invite Buffy the vampire slayer and her vampire boyfriend Angel then throw them into a pit with no food and see who would kill who first while toasting my victory with CJ (Carl Johnson(GTA:SA(Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas)))

RatsoFatsoRat
Jun 20, 2004

Rat King

Is it just me or is Ann Coulter actually the most disturbing part of the original post?

 CaptainWinky
Jun 13, 2001

PC Gaming Otaku Krew


There are a lot of interesting people throughout history that I could eat with...but they don't have Tifa's breasts.

Gagflex posted:

This is just goddamn hard to read, I can see why you would invite the administrator of GameFaqs.

 CaptainWinky
Jun 13, 2001

PC Gaming Otaku Krew


maxnmona posted:

I'd invite Buffy the vampire slayer and her vampire boyfriend Angel then throw them into a pit with no food and see who would kill who first while toasting my victory with CJ (Carl Johnson(GTA:SA(Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas)))

I'd just invite Spike and then we could go trash a bar or something.

cbheumircanl
Dec 24, 2005


Lamech posted:

I'd invite General Tso and hopefully he'd bring his fantastic chicken dish with him.

I'm eating that right now, from the local Chinese place, Ding Ho. Delicious.

Excession
Dec 18, 2004


I would invite God and the Devil and seat them on opposite sides to see what would happen.

jc dracula
Nov 06, 2001


1. Bubble Ghost - I would like to meet Bubble Ghost to ask him who he was when he was alive and how he died. I would like to ask him what death is like...is it painful...?

2. Bernard - You might say "nerd alert" but I think he's sweet...possibly the most misunderstood of the crew..he has a lot of skills and he's dedicated to discovering Truth through science, something I can really respect. If that makes me a tuna head...then so be it!

3. McGruff - I need to feel safe. I need to feel like I can be safe in my home. I need to be able to relax and feel comfortable when I'm in my own home. This is why McGruff will come.

4. John Rambo - Rambo is misunderstood by Authority but he always fights for what he believes in...one of the only true patriots out there. Rambo will never forget his home, America, is worth fighting for..worth dying for. He loves it that much. The thought of meeting Rambo is a little intimidating..all I want to say is "thank you." I would love to be friends, but he never stays in one place for long..

5. Winnie the Pooh - Sometimes you just have to laugh, and this little fella brings me belly laughs by the barrel-full. In case you haven't guessed...we will be serving "hunny" at our banquet

6. Babs Bunny - She's smart, funny, not afraid to speak her mind, not afraid of her sexuality...Babs is the kind of girl I've always wanted to meet..

7. Data - The "brains" of the operation, Data takes the cake and soars into the 21st century. If I could share even a fraction of his knowledge..it would be like a dream. He's also very strong, physically.

8. Ash Ketchum - I believe he really is a Good Person. Ash is brave, sincere, kind, and he cares deeply about preserving the world of Pokemon. I'd love to ask him about his experiences as a Trainer..maybe borrow a pokeball or two to try a real life pokemon battle

9. Claudia Vorstein - A classic villainess, larger than life..bold and beautiful, living in extremes..I may not approve of her actions but I can respect her for living as loud as she wants to. You go girl! I guess there could be conflict between her and McGruff though.....
...

10. Kimba - Simba who?! Kimba and I will meet in a dark corner to discuss his revenge against the House of Mouse...mwahahaha..nothing too serious though! All that we want is for Disney to finally give proper credit to Tezuka-san for his influence on The Lion King (which, all joking aside, is a fine film in its own right.)

11. Tron - Disney fan or foe? Aye yai yai Cardigan, which one is it? Now don't get me wrong, I think some mistakes have been made in the past but I still stand behind most of the Disney catalog. Tron here, at #11, is a classic Hero from the days when the studio dared to dream a little bigger...or should I say smaller?! He lives on a microchip, for crying out loud! After dinner I'd love nothing more than to get digitzed and check out Tron's groovy world up close and personal. Maybe I can defrag my hard drive while I'm there!

12. Ikari Shinji - What is the self? What is humanity? Why can't human beings ever stop hurting each other?...? Shinji has a lot on his mind. He may not be the most courageous...he's a tragic, flawed hero..more like you and I than any archetypal superman..but what he lacks in pure bravado he makes up for with his shining soul, his indomitable spirit. Shinji is human. That's all Shinji can be. Ganbare, Shinji!

13. E.T. - It was pure coincidence that brought E.T. to Elliot's house..or maybe it was fate. In my dreams, I am that boy cradling E.T. in my arms. I show him the ways of Earth...I am willing to become his only friend on this alien world..but it has to end. This Earth makes E.T. deathly ill...I will protect you, E.T., and I will find a way to save you...somehow.

14. Donkey Kong - The King of Swing himself! DK's the real "party animal" of the bunch. He'll swing on by just in time for dessert--banana splits! After a few chest-thumping rounds of Mario Party I'll ask the real question: is Candy Kong available? Yow!

15. Marc Summers - When I saw Marc on Double Dare, I knew I wanted to be an emcee/comedian. That dream hasn't come true...yet...but I understand he's had some hardships in his life as well. I think we would have a lot to talk about.

16. "Weird Al" Yankovic - I can't be fooled, Al. Grow back your mustache.

17. Sherman Klump - My family can get a little crazy..but is there a crazier family than the Klumps? We could burn the midnight oil trading stories about our nutty relatives, the fun times and the bad times...a complete portrait of a life, all the smiles and tears included.

18. Garfield - King of the fatcats! The Garfster and I go way back. It's No Odies Allowed at our table and the special main course is lasagna! I think I would actually be really mad if he ate it all though. I know it's what you might expect but I'm imagining it and it's making me really angry for some reason.

19. Bart Simpson - Ignore the later seasons...early Bart was a kid with a lot of heart. Sure, he could stir up trouble, but he could also fall in love..cry genuine tears of heartbreak. When Bart fell down the well, I fell with him...hungry in the cold, wet dark, alone but clinging to life. When Sideshow Bob came for Bart, I knew what it was to beg for your life at the point of a knife..your parents helpless to stop it..seconds away from having your throat cut, your short life snuffed out too soon. When Bart conquered Kamp Krusty, his triumph was my triumph. With bare chest and warpaint on..he looked like a little God. He looked powerful, and I desired this power. I understood completely the hurt and rage he felt when his love for Laura Powers was brushed away like it was nothing. How women can treat boys like little nothings, like their hearts are simple playthings to be broken and discarded. There is pain, there is loss. There is the solace of revenge, there are wounds that can never be healed. We fall and skin our knees again and again. We get back up, wipe our faces clean, look towards the horizon. Bart is the spirit that overcomes. You can place his body in bondage but he will rise. You can beat him bloody but he will rise. Though the pain of life may twist his soul, Bart will not allow himself to be destroyed. He will Survive.

20. VICI -

SilEighty
May 21, 2006

deliver ham overy the country

The OP reminded me that every once in a while it's a good idea to check over this chart and make sure where you stand.

I think our OP might be in dangerous territory.

As for me, I'd invite Adolf Hitler and the hell with the other 19. He'd have enough to talk (rant?) about to fill ten dinners, so nobody else would get to talk, anyway.

M4rg4r1ne
Jun 04, 2003

Do you want a hupyrolysege slcorpselong?

Wait can VICI pretend to eat or would you have her download a recipe or something and cook it?

Irish Revenge
May 21, 2004

A Mind Forever Voyaging

Top 20 people? That sure is a lot. How about top 3, which would make it much easier for people to reply to.

I think I'd go with people like Harry Truman and Hitler before fucking video game characters (just because I want to eat dinner with them doesn't mean I admire them).

You really need to think about life more if you find the administrator of a web site more mysterious than someone like JD Salinger. 20 bucks says he's just some fucking guy who plays video games and jerks off too much.

Irish Revenge fucked around with this message at Jun 17, 2006 around 12:53

qbert
Oct 23, 2003

It's both thrilling and terrifying.

c. cardigan posted:



This thread was a piece of crap and then you had to come along and save it...

evil spiff
Feb 01, 2005

Weenie Wraps intrigue me

qbert posted:

This thread was a piece of crap and then you had to come along and save it...

I was about to start typing up something very similar, but efb.

Bravo, sir.

To the OP - get outside. PLEASE.
Of all the people in all of history (real *and* fictional), a large percentage of yours are pixellated sluts? Sweet Jesus.

Kiev
Nov 19, 2002

Ethical Calculus would most accurately be regarded as a form of dynamic moral absolutism

gravija posted:

5. Tifa Lockhart - What? Another Final Fantasy VII character? Yes. In the original game, she is moderately decent looking, but in Advent Children, she suddenly became the single-hottest created [rendered, animated, etc.] female I have ever seen before. I would spend lots of time at the table just staring at her like I'm a complete moron. Hopefully, she wouldn't decide to Final Heaven me into next week.


Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Jargon
Apr 22, 2003



I would invite the exact same people as the OP and for the exact same reasons.

 CaptainWinky
Jun 13, 2001

PC Gaming Otaku Krew


c. cardigan posted:

20. VICI -
This post convinced me to change my vote.

TheSwami
Sep 24, 2004

hello old friend

RatsoFatsoRat posted:

Is it just me or is Ann Coulter actually the most disturbing part of the original post?

It's not just you. "...such deep conservative values..."

crab soup and lemons
Jan 09, 2006

by Lowtax


I really want to make fun of the OP, but the amount of work he put into that list (and all of those summaries) just makes me sad.

He's so serious. Just imagining the look on his face when his idealist "This thread is gonna rock!" attitude gets torn apart depresses me.

balistic
May 03, 2002



The fifth grade called. Apparently there's been a mistake . . .

QUEEN CAUCUS
Oct 26, 2004

The rodent of your dreams

I too came in expecting there to be an awesome list of foods and making my own banquet and instead I get THIS?

Mr. Glorious Sunbath
Jan 07, 2004

I think this is the beginning of a beautiful LMBO.

Vahvelainen posted:

I really want to make fun of the OP, but the amount of work he put into that list (and all of those summaries) just makes me sad.

He's so serious. Just imagining the look on his face when his idealist "This thread is gonna rock!" attitude gets torn apart depresses me.

What's more depressing is the people and the reasons in his list.

Wing Zero
Jun 29, 2005

WAAAA WAAAA!!!11

well i'd let tifa final heaven me into next week any time she wants if you know what i mean *wink wink*

QUEEN CAUCUS
Oct 26, 2004

The rodent of your dreams

Also, when I was little, this was my idea of the ultimate banquet.

http://paintedover.com/uploads/show...24&f=snoopy.gif

QuarkMartial
Sep 24, 2004

You've been under investigation, Claudius Ptolemaeus, for the mandatory period of 1 year and 11 months. You are found to be obsolete.

1: Beowulf
2-20: 19 of his Viking friends.

At some point, Grendel would show up and all hell would break loose.


Edit: Wow, I remember that Vici show. Crazy robo-android voice and everything.

Captain Q
Nov 29, 2005

The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire.


Hinokagutsuchi posted:

1: Beowulf
2-20: 19 of his Viking friends.

At some point, Grendel would show up and all hell would break loose.

Add Gilgamesh and Enkidu and we've got a deal.

Those guys were party animals. Don't deny it.

Ampersand
Apr 18, 2006



Hinokagutsuchi posted:

1: Beowulf
2-20: 19 of his Viking friends.

At some point, Grendel would show up and all hell would break loose.


Edit: Wow, I remember that Vici show. Crazy robo-android voice and everything.

Aw, man, not Grendel. You just know as soon as the party really gets rolling his damn mom is gonna show up and bitch everybody out.

Go with Christ
Jan 13, 2006

"Teacher,which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" She replied, "Clean your stove with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind."

Biting as well, but only 5 people for now.

1. Zhang He from DW3. Because I bet he'd also know how to make the dining room look fabulous and maybe he's bisexual too.

2. Bill Clinton. Awesome stories and just a nice guy with a bad tendency to chase ass. Probably knows how to mix drinks like a pro.

3. Dalai Lama. Because I love philosophy and he's so serene.

4. Selphie from FF8. For all the after-party needs.

5. Jezebel from the Bible. Just because.

Captain Q
Nov 29, 2005

The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire.


JavaBean posted:

5. Jezebel from the Bible. Just because.

While you're at it, invite Lot's daughters

Hogarth Hughes
Apr 16, 2006


Jesus...fucking...Christ


You seriously have some problems. I'm glad you will never get within 30 miles of Kate Beckinsale. Please go stalk Manhands Hateful Bitch Coulter, though, maybe you two can armwrestle each other off the top of a very tall building.

praxis
Jul 31, 2003



PrBacterio posted:

Hm well, I can't really say about your grandmother's banana pudding, as I've never had it, but I will stand by my opinion that, yes, including fastfood pizza and hamburgers in a list of food items to be served for your ideal dream banquet *is* a sign of bad taste.

I guess I can let that slide. Taste is a matter of taste so theres no reason to argue, I was just making sure you weren't slagging my Nanny.

SouvlakiPlaystation
Jan 07, 2006

Ave Lucifer, baby

gravija posted:

Aeris - No, this isn't another Final Fantasy VII choice. I'm actually referring to the character from the webcomic, VG Cats.

Oh, phew! And here I was thinking you were some neckbeard nerdshoe who invites one too many FFVII character's to your imaginery banquet of virgin pain. Thanks for clearing that up.

RAGE HOLE
Jun 06, 2006

Stendhal Stockholm


C. Cardigan, would you be my valentine?

Shitti Politti
Nov 06, 2003

adsfffyoao

This thread deserves to be put into the Comedy Goldmine subforum.

DickSlurpowitz
Jan 16, 2006
ALL THE WOMEN I RAPE DESERVE IT FOR THINKING I WON'T RAPE THEM

SilEighty posted:

The OP reminded me that every once in a while it's a good idea to check over this chart and make sure where you stand.

I think our OP might be in dangerous territory.

As for me, I'd invite Adolf Hitler and the hell with the other 19. He'd have enough to talk (rant?) about to fill ten dinners, so nobody else would get to talk, anyway.

is there a better, bigger version of that chart? i want to use it as a background.


Edit: i'd invite lloyd Kaufman and the rest of the troma team.

DickSlurpowitz fucked around with this message at Jun 18, 2006 around 23:44

Bastard Tetris
Apr 27, 2005
L-Shaped

I'm gonna go with 20 clones of Treat Williams.

MintiePhresh
Aug 22, 2003

Brains.

This is so easy.

-Fat John Popper
-Jaleel White (Urkel)
-Balky (NOT the actor)
-Wilson from Castaway
-Fred and Randy Savage (Must share chair)
-The furnas from Home Alone
-Cheetara
-Santa
-The inventor of the Bumble Ball
-Warren Ellis
-Zombie Red Foxx
-Alex Winter
-Hunter S Thompson
-Uncle Jesse Duke
-Kingfish from Amos and Andy
-Stretch Armstrong
-Mario Lopez
-Vic Mackey
-Chewbacca
-Comet (Dog from Full House)

Charleston Jew
Jul 30, 2005

oh my sloth!

Lowtax, would you come to my banquet I would try to invite more admins/mods but with sooo many rad FF characters this is going to be a tough decision

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